Starbucks Makes a Green Cup and Christians Lose Their Minds For No Reason At All

Image credit: Starbucks
Image credit: Starbucks

If you’re a Starbucks regular, your local store may have already switched over to the new green cups they introduced yesterday. They feature a design by artist Shogo Ota, drawn with a single line, depicting dozens of people standing together as a community.  According to a Starbucks press release, the motivation behind the high-octane beverage container switch was the polarization of our current culture, likely related to the upcoming presidential election (consider the timing).

During a divisive time in our country, Starbucks wanted to create a symbol of unity as a reminder of our shared values, and the need to be good to each other.

And yes, many Christians freaked out just like they did last year because this “holiday cup” didn’t have any reference to Christmas.  Let’s remember, CHRISTIANS OWN WINTER.  Don’t fuck with it.  Everything you do must contain a Christmas reference.

Remember, Starbucks, when they all swore you off last year and boycotted you so you’d go out of business? Didn’t you learn your lesson?  Oh. That’s right, that didn’t work very well.

It turns out these green cups may just be here for the election season and aren’t the holiday cups at all, since the press release didn’t refer to them as such.  The REAL holiday cup is scheduled to be released on November 10, so all of the Christians who lost their minds about this cup did so prematurely.  They can all wait another week and do it all over again when the Red Holiday Cup (as it’s called every year) comes out and lacks any reference to baby Jesus or Christianity, JUST LIKE IT ALWAYS HAS.

For another year, the Starbucks cup controversy will be the single most meaningless thing for people to get upset about.  It astounds me that people can close their eyes and ears to their chosen presidential candidate’s evidence and admission of sexual assault, and blatant racist, xenophobic and sexist statements, but get in a rage over a paper cup they’re going to throw away in less than an hour.  “Murica.


Kevin Davis

Kevin Davis is the head writer and editor for SecularVoices, co-founder of Young Skeptics, and author of Understanding an Atheist. He is known for local and national secular activism and has spoken at conferences and events such as Reason Rally 2016 and the Ark Encounter Protest and Rally.

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10 thoughts on “Starbucks Makes a Green Cup and Christians Lose Their Minds For No Reason At All

    1. It is not just a cup, it is the creeping and insidious inculcation by the One World Order to make unity and community preferred over the “religious liberty” of holy exclusion. This plot is too obvious.

  1. Plenty of parodies and satire stories on the web. Anything from Starbucks cups featuring Satan, to a Dunkin’ Donuts cup featuring Richard Dawkins flipping the bird.

    Sadly, they aren’t that far from the truth.

  2. If they ever lived up to their own damned principles, including their capitalist principles – there’d realise that they have absolutely no say in what colour cups a private organisation decides to use. But that might be a step too far.

  3. > even Mickey-D slurry

    In Canada, many consider this the better coffee since McD contracted with the old Tim Hortons suppliers!

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